


furigoma

by blackkat



Series: Tumblr Drabbles [122]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Casual and Loving Violence, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 16:05:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15952802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkat/pseuds/blackkat
Summary: “You want me towhat?” Hidan demands.“Meet my team,” Asuma repeats patiently, like that’s going to magically change it into a good idea.





	furigoma

“You want me to _what_?” Hidan demands.

 “Meet my team,” Asuma repeats patiently, like that’s going to magically change it into a good idea. “You’ve been skulking around the house for long enough that all the neighbors think it’s haunted. Come outside.”

Hidan scoffs, because he’s _been_ outside, but coming off seven back-to-back missions with his fucking _handler_ hasn’t exactly left him in a cuddly, people-friendly mood. “Is that asshole with the eye going to be anywhere near there?” he asks suspiciously.

Asuma blinks once, slow, and then snorts in amusement. “Kakashi? No, he got a genin team, too. I think the Hokage is picking a new handler for you.”

“Good fucking riddance,” Hidan mutters, because if he ever gets another Raiton to the ass when he’s _doing what he’s supposed to_ , it will be too fucking soon. Maybe he went a _little_ overboard with the blood that last time, but Kakashi didn’t need to do _that_ to get him to stop.

With a chuckle, Asuma leans over the back of his chair, and when Hidan tilts his head back to squint at him he kisses Hidan, upside-down and teasing. “Come on,” he says, right against Hidan's mouth. It’s fucking _cheating_ , because he knows how much Hidan likes the prickle of his beard. “They're just kids, what’s the worst—”

Hidan claps a hand over his mouth. “ _Fuck you_ ,” he says, and Asuma is fucking _laughing_ at him, but Hidan can't resist the urge to grin back. “Bastard, you always say that shit.”

Asuma catches his wrist, peeling his hand away from his mouth, and then uses it to tug Hidan to his feet. “Seeing as everything going wrong is how we met, I don’t hate it as much as I used to,” he says, smirking just a little as he slides his hand down to grip Hidan's hip.

“Fucking _sap_ ,” Hidan accuses, but when Asuma tugs him towards the door he drags his sandals on and zips them up, then snags his coat from the hook, following Asuma out as he pulls it on. He casts a look around the road, but it’s morning, quiet, and Asuma's house is set away from the village, back against the training grounds. There's no one else present, even as Asuma leads him through a wide grove of yuzu trees that can't be as tall as they are naturally. Hidan squints up at them, but if there’s a way to tell what’s Mokuton fuckery and what’s not, Hidan hasn’t found it yet. In Konoha, he’s pretty sure it’s _always_ Mokuton fuckery.

“Almost ripe,” is Asuma's only reaction to the trees, like it’s not closing in on midsummer and this is a perfectly natural time for citrus trees to end up with fruit. Hidan's not that smart, but apparently he knows better than the trees when they’re supposed to have fruit, and he scoffs, edging around one of the closer trunks.

“Fucking _weird_ ,” he says judgmentally.

Asuma chuckles as he pulls a cigarette from his pocket and lights it. “I don’t think you’ve got any room to be saying that,” he tells Hidan, then sidesteps the punch Hidan throws at his ribs. Twists around the collapsible spear, catches Hidan's wrist in his free hand, and drags him in, and Hidan is laughing as they collide. He catches Asuma's face in his hands, drags him down into a bruising kiss, and Asuma hums, arm sliding around his waist. His fingers skim the edge of the open zipper, tracing up Hidan's side, and Hidan shivers, laughs against Asuma's lips.

“Fucking Tsunade doesn’t care about us screwing in public _nearly_ as much as your old man did,” he says. “But we could try it again, if you want.”

“I'm sure my father _still_ hates it, even though he’s retired,” Asuma says, and Hidan fucking _loves_ that wicked slant to his smile. “I’d do it just for that, but—”

“Asuma-sensei!” a voice calls, bright and sweet, and Asuma sighs. Hidan snickers, even though it makes Asuma let go, because whoever’s putting that longsuffering expression on his boyfriend’s face is definitely worth a meeting at least.

“Over here, Ino,” Asuma calls back, pushing through a few thicker bushes. Hidan follows curiously, and it seemed like a bad idea to meet a bunch of clan heirs, but they're already gotten plenty of exposure to Asuma, so really, how bad could it be?

“You're late!” Ino cries, though she doesn’t sound heartbroken about it as she bounces over to meet them. “Asuma-sensei, who is this?”

Short, is Hidan's first impression. Blonde, too, and smarter than she’s making herself seem; she tilts her head curiously as she looks him over, and her eyes are fucking _sharp_ , even if that smile’s a little ditzy. Then again, Hidan's pretty familiar with playing stupid, even if he usually does it by being loud.

“This is my boyfriend, Hidan,” Asuma says. He always seems the relish the phrase, but then, it does usually make his father turn purple with poorly-contained offence and the beginnings of rage. Hidan gets the appeal.

“Hey there,” he says, giving the girl a grin that’s full of teeth.

Unlike a hell of a lot of people back in Yu, Ino doesn’t even think about flinching. She beams back, ducks forward, and grabs Hidan's arm without hesitation, pulling his hand up to see the collapsible spear he’s still holding. “Hi!” she says brightly. “What’s this? Is it your weapon? Why haven’t we seen you with Asuma-sensei before?”

“I've been on missions, it’s not my main thing, and yeah, it’s a weapon.” Hidan aims it away from her, flicks it out sharply, and lets it extend into a full-length spear of black metal, not entirely sure what reaction he’s going to get. He did try to kill Asuma with it, on the mission where they met, but that was over two years ago and he’s not sure how far the story’s traveled. He doesn’t want to make her cry; crying kids freak him the hell out.

But instead of crying, Ino lights up with interest. “It’s so long,” she says, tapping her fingernails against the metal like she’s testing its hardness. “And it folds up completely! You could hide it in a bra, even.”

Asuma makes a noise of discomfort, turning his eyes towards the sky, but Hidan snickers and flips it back down to its compressed size again. “Yeah,” he agrees. “I’ve stashed it under a miniskirt before and you can hardly even tell it’s there.”

At that Asuma suddenly looks _far_ more interested in the conversation, sweeping a look over Hidan like he’s trying to picture said miniskirt. Hidan gives him a teasing smirk over the top of Ino's head, and Asuma's eyes narrow.

“I want one,” Ino decides, and turns a beaming smile on Hidan. “Where did you get it? Is there a weaponsmith in Konoha who makes them?”

“Special order from Suna,” Hidan says with a shrug. “I’ll get you a few next time I put in an order, though. They're fun as shit to play with.”

“Thank you!” Ino promptly hooks her arm through his, then pulls him towards the open ground beyond the trees. “You’ve got pretty eyes,” she says cheerfully. “I'm Yamanaka Ino, and those two lumps are useless, so don’t worry about them.”

Fuck it, Hidan _likes_ her. She’s a little spitfire without a sense of personal space, and Hidan can appreciate that in an ankle-biter. He snickers, even as one of the lumps opens an eye to make an aggrieved sound at Ino.

“You're so _troublesome_ ,” the boy says, but he doesn’t even try to move from hi sprawl on the ground.

“I'm _right_ ,” Ino retorts. “This is Asuma-sensei’s boyfriend, aren’t you even going to say hello?”

“Hi,” the boy says unenthusiastically, wiggling his fingers like anything else is too much effort.

“Hey,” the other boy says, much more cheerfully, and pops a chip in his mouth. “I'm Akimichi Chōji, it’s nice to meet you.”

“A slacker, a glutton, and a harpy,” Asuma says dryly as he joins them. “Clearly my father’s influence let me get the best team. Shikamaru, at least pretend you're conscious.”

Shikamaru makes a discontented noise, but sits up. “Why?” he asks grumpily. “Aren’t you too busy showing off your boyfriend for training?”

Asuma raises one brow, and Hidan laughs, because he _knows_ that expression. It’s pretty much _challenge accepted_ , and Hidan fucking loves being on the receiving end of it. “Showing him off?” Asuma asks dryly. “I guess I am. But I'm also giving you the chance to assess his capabilities before he puts all three of you through a whole day of torture. Or training, depending on how you look at it.”

Shikamaru’s face goes three shades paler, and Chōji’s eyes widen. Ino is the only one who brightens, and she does so _significantly_ , already eying the collapsible spear in Hidan's hand. She’s probably going to try to steal it the second they start. Hidan _really_ likes her.

“Asuma-sensei,” Shikamaru complains, sounding faintly betrayed. “I thought we were going to work on shōgi strategies today.”

Asuma smiles, and it’s fucking _beautiful_. Hidan wants to kiss that evil expression, maybe goad Asuma into fucking him while he’s wearing it. _Shit_ , he’s got shivers just thinking about it. “I said we’d take a look at a rook’s best strategies,” he says, and settles a hand on Hidan's hip. “Hidan, that first kanji in your name…”

“Rook,” Hidan finishes for him, laughing. “You little shits better be up for a day of hell, because I'm going to have _so much fucking fun_ with this.”

“Rules?” Ino asks, kicking Shikamaru in the ankle. “Is there an objective?”

“Kill me,” Hidan tells her cheerfully. “Just fucking murder me and that’s all the training you need today.”

In the face of three wide sets of eyes, Asuma hums his agreement. “Whoever can kill him gets barbeque, my treat,” he says lazily.

Hidan laughs, leaning in, and kisses him hard. “You're a fucking asshole,” he says, then flips out one of his spears as Shikamaru and Chōji scramble to their feet. “All right, brats, let’s fucking play!”

“Good luck,” Asuma says lazily, and very pointedly takes a step back to lean against a tree.

Hidan has the _best_ fucking boyfriend, and trying to kill him on that one mission was clearly the best decision he ever made.


End file.
